Cut to the Membrane home. Blue light sparks from inside the open garage. Inside the house, Gaz stands in front of a floating view screen that displays Professor Membrane.
Prof. Membrane (recorded message): Kids, I'm glad we could have this dinnertime recording together. Now, Gaz, if you could just put that can of beans in the proton oven! Be sure to take them out of the can or the explosion will destroy all human life!
The proton oven opens. "Human life" echoes in Gaz's head. Gaz grabs a can of Explodey Beans and places the whole can in the proton oven. She presses a button, but the power in the oven goes out.
Dib runs out of the garage.
Dib: Sorry, Gaz!
Tak's ship crawls out of the garage and spears the ground with its claws.
Dib: Just doing a few adjustments to Tak's ship!
Inside the house, beans spew out of the proton oven. Gaz glances around, then places two more cans of beans into the oven. The bottom of the oven blows off in a lackluster explosion.
Gaz: That didn't wipe out all life as we know it!
The world around Gaz becomes a scorched inferno.
Gaz: YOU LIED TO ME, DAD!!
Outside, Dib dodges the claws of Tak's ship. The ship grunts (in Tak's voice) as it struggles to move forward but finds that a thick wire is attached between it and machinery in the garage. The wires break free and whip around, puncturing a shack behind Dib. The ship crawls around wildly now.
Tak's ship: Unauthorized access! Get away or I'll chop your legs off!
In the rampage of Tak's ship, a lamp post is broken. Dib grabs the sparking remainder of the lamp post and holds it as a weapon.
Dib: Let's see how you like this! Nyah!
Dib prods Tak's ship with the lamp post. It jitters as the electricity flows through it. Dib jabs it again.
The ship powers down and the windshield opens. Dib leaps inside. Gaz stands at the window briefly.
Dib: Tak had downloaded her personality into the computer, so it might be possible for me to download mine. Gaz, are you listening to me explain all this?
Dib presses buttons on the control panel.
Tak's ship: No! Stop what you're doing! You'll never destroy me! Yooouuuoooouuuu.....
A control panel emerges displaying an image of Tak's Irken symbol. A helmet device attaches to Dib's head. Two drills enter either side of the helmet. Electricity flows into Dib. Dib screams and babbles. Tak's face on a monitor screen is replaced by Dib's face. Dib's face on the monitor screen grows happier and happier. Dib struggles to press a button.
He presses the button and the drills and helmet remove themselves.
Dibship: Personality transfer complete. Rebuilding- Hey! Who're you!?!
Dib: I'm Dib.
Dibship: No you're not! I'm Dib! I feel funny! What's happened to me?
Gaz exits the front door.
Gaz: Dib! Come eat your stinking food!
Dib: Um... I can explain later! Stay calm!
Dib runs inside.
Dibship: Wait! Stop! That's my dinner!
Dib runs to the dinner table. The recorded Membrane monitor screen holds two bowls of beans in mechanical arms. It is on a constant loop.
Prof. Membrane (recorded message): Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me? (continued)
Gaz: It won't give us dinner until you enter your approval code!
Dib presses the 'YES' button. Triumphant music plays.
Prof. Membrane (recorded message): And I love you, kids! The eating begins now!
The monitor screen holds out the bowls of beans. The monitor flies away. Dib takes a bite.
Dibship: Hands off my food, imposter!
Dibship bursts through the wall.
Gaz: Hey! You're getting chunks of wall in the food!
Dibship: Don't panic, Gaz! That's not really me! He must be part of Zim's latest plan to replace me! Or something!
Gaz tosses a chunk of wall out of her beans then shovels a handful into her mouth. She walks off with the bowl. Dibship grabs Dib's bowl with a wire tentacle.
Dibship: Gimme that!
Dibship tosses the contents onto himself.
Beans splatter all over Dib.
Dib: Look! Put the food down and I'll explain everything!
Cut to the outside of the house. Dibship paces around.
Dib: I know. The philosophical implications are quite... philosophical.
Dibship: But I remember everything!
A monitor screen emerges from Dibship.
Dibship: I remember being a baby...
The monitor screen shows Dibship as a ship baby.
Dibship: My first ghost baby sighting...
The monitor screen shows a young Dibship next to a ghost baby.
Dibship: My first baby alien encounter...
The monitor screen shows Dibship holding two alien babies.
Dibship: Riding an alien elephant baby at Dad's genetic mutation fair!
The monitor shows Dibship on top of a tiny elephant creature as Professor Membrane pops in giving a thumb's up.
Dib: Your memories are really of me doing all of those things! You have a copy of my magnificent brain inside you!
The monitor screen retracts into Dibship.
Dibship: No! It's all lies! You're a clone! Zim must've sent you! I'm gonna stop you, because I'm the real Dib! I'm the real Dib! Not you!
Dibship pounds the ground with his claws.
Dibship: I'm Dib! I'm Dib! I'm Dib! I am Dib! I'm Dib! I'm Dib! I am Dib! I'm Dib!
Dibship trips Dib with his wire tentacle. Dib gets up and enter the cockpit of Dibship. Dib presses a button and shuts down Dibship. Dib sighs.
Dib: I'm keeping you in sleep mode until I can sort this out.
Dib leaps out of the ship.
Dib: Am I really that annoying?
Dib goes back inside. The Dibship reactivates. Cut to Dib sleeping in his bed. Outside, Dibship sends its wire tentacle slithering along the ground.
Dibship: All right, time to go to work.
The tentacle bursts through Dib's window with a painful shout. The tentacle looks at the drooling Dib. As it looks around, it knocks over some shelves. The tentacle looks back at Dib to make sure he is still sleeping. The tentacle accidentally wrecks more stuff. It looks at Dib's alarm clock as it turns to 1:12 AM. The tentacle blasts the alarm clock.
Dibship: That should stall him.
The tentacle looks at Dib and laughs evilly. The tentacle retracts back into the Dibship.
Dibship: Hey... I don't remember having tentacles...
Dibship transforms into a more Dib-like appearance. Cut to the next morning. The skool bus stops in front of the Membrane home. Dibship lumbers over to the bus, wrecking things as he goes. Mathew P. Mathers III leans out the window and vomits. The bus door opens.
Dibship: Good morning!
The bus driver screams. Dibship accidentally tips the bus over as he attempts to get in. All the children run out, screaming.
Dibship: I guess I'll be walking!
Cut to the skool. More children run away from the oncoming Dibship in the playground. Dibship looks into the window at the cafeteria. Children gather at the window.
Poonchy: Hey! Dib's bein' all weird and giant again!
Dibship looks angrily at Zim, who sits in the cafeteria with his back turned, poking his food. Dibship bursts through the wall. The children run. Dibship approaches Zim.
Zim: Dib's looking a little bit different this filthy Earth day. Wait a minute!
A mechanical arm emerges from Zim's Pak and hands him a scanning device. The mechanical claw retracts.
Dibship: I spotted your fake Dib-double, Zim! You already tried that once before and it won't work this time either!
Zim's scanning device analyzes Dibship.
Zim: Hey! That's an Irken power signature inside of you! You're Tak's ship!
Dibship: What are you talking about!?! I'm Dib! I'm Dib!
Dibship gets on the ground and babbles.
Zim: Of course you are! Of course you are!
Zim presses a button on the scanning device. It displays the message 'INITIATING CONVERSION PROCESS.' It then shoots a beam of energy into Dibship, who screams.
Cut back to the Membrane home. A man pushes the skool bus off of the ground and a tow truck tows it off. Dib snaps awake. He looks at his alarm clock, which has a hole in it.
Dib: What the-?
Cut to Dib running out of the house with a book.
Dib: I'm laaaate!
As Dib runs down the sidewalk, Dibship (now with its ship appearance again) runs across the roofs of houses. As Dib runs across the street, Dibship leaps into the forests of Hurt Park. Dib runs into Hurt Park and right past Dibship. Dib stops and walks back to where Dibship rests.
Dib: How did you get out here? Wait... You shut my alarm off, didn't you!?!
Dibship: I'm sorry, Dib. I tricked you and escaped. I thought I was the real Dib but I was confused. Would you like to get inside and I could take you to skool... pal?
Dibship's windshield opens. Squirrels walk around on the control panels. Dibship puts a claw behind Dib's back in a friendly gesture.
Dib: Wow. Really? Are you sure?
Dibship: Then we can repair my flight systems together! Just Dib and Dib!
Dib: Man! This is too amazing! With your help, we can get you flying again! Just think of all the places I can go!
Dib enters the cockpit. Dibship wraps Dib up in wires. Dib screams. The windshield closes and Dibship leaps up into the air. Dibship then runs along a pathway through Hurt Park.
Dib: Ahh! Nooo!! Wait! Where are you taking me!?! No!
Dib screams as Dibship runs out of the park and over a building. They end up over the Skool.
Dib: Bad ship! Bad!
A monitor inside Dibship shows Zim. Zim is in his skool kid disguise and has a twig in his wig. Zim laughs evilly. Dibship lands in the back of the Skool near some tables. Donkey 9 screams and drops her tray of food.
Dib: Zim! That figures! Your controlling the ship from your base, aren't you?
Zim: No, Dib! I am riding on the back of the ship right now!
GIR stands next to Zim on top of Dibship. GIR is in his dog suit and pretends to be a squirrel, gnawing at an acorn. Zim pulls the twig out of his wig. Dibship knocks over all the tables by swishing his wire tentacles. Dibship then runs off.
Cut to an office building. A man in his office holds a stuffed bunny. Dibship runs by outside the man's window on the roof of the adjacent building.
Dib: Heh, that's pretty stupid. Couldn't you just control the ship from your base?
Zim: Well, uh... Silence! Soon you will be dumped in the city cess pool, where your innards will melt for millions of years!
Dib: Ha! The ship would never do that to me!
Dibship leaps off of one roof and clings to the wall of another building. Dibship scales the wall.
Dibship: I must obey the Irken Empire!
Zim: You see, your ship obeys me now! Ship- make him sick!
Dibship: I obey!
Dibship leaps off of the building and spins around in the air. Everyone screams. Dibship launches its tentacles out and clings to the surrounding buildings, skidding to a stop.
Dib: That was stupid! Again!
Zim: Silence! I'm ingenious!
Dibship continues on and leaps over more roofs.
Dib: There must be some little piece of me still inside of you!
The Dibship monitor screen shows a pair of alien ghost bee babies.
Dib: Ship! Can you remember our fifth birthday when we fought off that swarm of alien ghost bee babies?
Dibship: Nooo!! No!!! I-
Dibship stops at a building ledge. The ledge begins to crack.
Zim: Obey me! You are Irken property!
The ledge crumbles and Dibship plummets downwards. Everyone screams. Dibship stops when he collides into the 'H' of 'HOTEL' sign.
Dib: And do you remember the time we saved a bus-load of horrible kids from a nut-eating moose? The kids gave me a wedgie!
The monitor screen shows Rob giving Dibship a wedgie.
Dibship: Wedgie... errr... It hurt so bad!
Zim: Obey me, ship thing!
Some birds fly by. Zim watches the birds and then notices the cess pool in the distance.
Zim: Ah! The cess pool! Prepare for your smelly demise of smeelll!
GIR now has a container full of acorns.
GIR: I like corn! I do.
Inside the cess pool, a crane attached to the perimeter lifts up a container full of filth. Dibship leaps onto the cess pool and begins scaling the massive crane. Zim and GIR laugh.
Dib: No! Ship! It's not too late!
GIR tosses acorns out from his container. The crane driver watches Dibship from inside the cockpit of the crane, pressed up against the windshield. The windshield breaks loose and the crane driver plummets into the cess pool.
Dib: Ship! Remember! Remember who I am! Who you are!
Dibship extends the cockpit holding Dib out of itself and over the cess pool. The wires unwrap from Dib and the cockpit begins to rotate around, dumping Dib in. Dib grabs the edge but is only able to hold on by one hand.
Dib: Who... we are! Who... I am!
Dib starts to slip.
Zim: No! Listen to Zim! Hear me!
Dibship grabs Zim in his claws and spins him around, then launches Zim off into the sunset. Dib slips and plummets downwards, screaming. Dibship whips his tentacles around and catches Dib with them. Dibship brings Dib back up.
Dibship: I AM Dib!
Dib leaps up triumphantly.
Dibship: Everyone thinks I'm a freak!
Dibship: I'm a loser!
Dib: Um... That's kinda mean, ship.
Dibship: This... knowledge is horrible! I can't live like this! Must erase personality programming! Life passing before my eyes... backwards!
The filth-covered crane driver clings to Dibship's tentacles. A pigeon collides with him and he falls back in.
Dibship: There's that lunch I had yesterday. There's that wedgie. And there's Zim coming to Earth and that other wedgie.
Time passes. It is night. A can floats in the cess pool. A fishing bobber drops in the water as GIR starts fishing from Dibship. GIR hums.
Dibship: And there's me eating a sandwich. Mmm, leftovers. There's me in the bathroom. I was sick that day.
GIR reels in what appears to be a squirrel. Dib holds his nose.
Dib: Can you hurry? The smell's getting to me.
A pigeon swoops by and snatches the squirrel GIR caught, dragging GIR away with it. GIR screams.