Cut to the Skool playground. Students march through the mud-covered blacktop.
Coach Walrus (VO): I have shown you the horrors of war!
Keef trips and lands in the mud.
Coach Walrus (VO): The devastation of famine!
A pigeon steals food from a trashcan.
Coach Walrus: Pictures of my birth! But I don't think you comprehend what awaits you in adult life!
Dib and Zim are behind Coach Walrus wearing Bludgeon Ball suits, with massive ball-shooting cannons. The rest of the children are gathered in front of the coach. Willy grunts.
Coach Walrus: To better prepare you for the inevitable character-building horrors, we will now play bludgeon ball! It's fun!
Zim and Dib turn to face each other.
Dib (thinking): So, it's human against alien! Ironic I should face my enemy in this stupid barbaric game! Let this be our battlefield.
Zim (thinking): It's the size of a hippo, that head!
Coach Walrus blows the whistle. Dib immediately launches a barrage of bludgeon balls. The class watches in glee as they approach Zim. Dib laughs. Samichy takes a bite of his sandwich and walks off. The balls make their way towards Zim, moving at fast speeds yet never seeming to reach him. Doot jump ropes and hums. The balls still make their way towards Zim. Cut to Doot going to sleep in her bed.
The balls continue making their way towards Zim. A fly lands on Dib's glasses and he blows it away. Zim groans as a ball finally hits him. We see an instant replay from different angles. Dib squeals with glee. Zim is sent flying. His Bludgeon Ball suit detaches, as well as one of his contacts. He hits the ground and rolls. Zim notices his contact on the ground next to him.
Morla bursts out of the pile of bludgeon balls.
Morla: Whoa! Look at his eyeball!
Peyoopi and Speegly burst out of the pile of balls to see Zim.
Dib: The eyeball of an alien invader!
Zim: Lies! Lies! Have you never heard of... pinkeye!?! It is a normal human illness.
Zita: Yeah, Pinky has it pretty bad right now.
Zita motions to Pinky, a kid with a grotesque eye with stitches on it. Pinky waves his right arm. Dib groans.
Morla: Yeah. Zim's just sick and ugly.
Zim puts his contact back on.
Dib: But...No pinkeye! Green skin! Red things! Da-oh!
Dib fall backwards, hitting the bludgeon ball cannons against the ground and causing them to shoot a barrage of balls into the air. They fall back and hit Dib in the head. Dib yells in pain as each one hits him. The children laugh.
Coach Walrus: Your screaming was amusing for awhile, Dib, but now you're just scary!
Dib gets up.
Coach Walrus: Go to the counselor's office!
Dib wanders away, groaning.
Zim: Yes, I am normal! So normal and....ugly am I!
The children nod. Cut to Mr. Dwicky's office. Dwicky rubs his feet together. Dib takes a seat.
Mr. Dwicky: Hi! I'm Mr. Dwicky, the new counselor!
Dib: What happened to the old counselor?
Mr. Dwicky: Something... horrible!
Dwicky shakes and cowers while biting his fingernails, looking up at the vents.
Voice in vents: Help... meee....
Dwicky goes back to normal.
Mr. Dwicky: So! You wanna tell me what's wrong?
Dwicky opens a drawer.
Mr. Dwicky: This file suggests otherwise.
Dwicky places a huge file with a police profile of Dib on the cover. A large bolt holds it together.
Dib: Doesn't matter. Nobody believes me.
In the vents, something watches them while breathing slowly.
Dib: The earth's been invaded by an alien! He goes to this skool and my own people help him by being so ignorant! You can laugh now. I'm crazy and full of lies.
Dwicky pushes Dib's file aside.
Mr. Dwicky: Actually, I always believed in aliens! But I never found any proof so I did the next best thing. I work with public skoolchildren. They're scary too!
Dwicky cowers and shudder.
Dib: I've got proof!
Dib gets out his laptop and places it on Dwicky's desk. It shows a rotating model of Tak's modified Spittle Runner ship.
Dib: This is an alien spaceship I captured!
Dib presses a key and the laptop shows GIR (in doggy suit) dumping out the trash.
Dib: And here's Zim's robot dog taking out the garbage. I try to go through Zim's trash once a week. Mostly I just find burnt gerbils and worn down rubber piggies but...
Dwicky appears behind Dib, leaning on his chair.
Mr. Dwicky: So the dog brings out the trash!?! How can it even hold things with those nubby arms?
Dib: I know! And no one else thinks it's weird! Or like how Zim doesn't have ears or how he doesn't think ponies know what we're thinking.
Dwicky is now back in his own chair drinking coffee. He lunges foreword, spilling his coffee. Dwicky closes Dib's laptop.
Mr. Dwicky: Whoa! Calm down! I believe you, Dib!
Dib: You... you.. you... you believe me?
Sparkles appear over Dib's head.
Dib: Wait a minute! You escaped from some experiment where they hit you in the head with car doors, right?
Dwicky examines a photograph of an alligator about to clamp down on his head. Dwicky laughs.
Mr. Dwicky: Almost! But no! I really do believe you! I even wanna help out!
Dib: A team? Really!?! Two believers against the world! And Zim!
Dib grabs his laptop and runs to the out the door. He turns around in the doorway.
Dib: If you're serious, meet me after skool is out!
Mr. Dwicky: You got it, partner!
Dib runs out. A teacher stands next to Dwicky, holding a cup of coffee.
Teacher: Dwicky! You really believe in aliens?
Mr. Dwicky: Not anymore! All the child-like wonder was ripped from my heart the day my foot got stuck in an escalator and aliens didn't come rescue me.
Dwicky's right leg is mangled up. The teacher sips his coffee.
Mr. Dwicky: No, I'll just humor Dib until he tells me what the real problem is.
The teacher screams and hurls his cup of coffee.
Teacher: That's psycho-technical talk!
The teacher slides down onto the floor.
Mr. Dwicky: Indeed it is.
Cut to Dib's house. Several used rubber piggies lead up the sidewalk to the house. An electric fence is activated. Inside the living room, a burnt gerbil among a huge garbage pile coughs. Large amounts of used rubber piggies make up part of the trash heap. The heap is labeled 'FRIDAY 10/7.' Dib and Dwicky sit on the couch. Dib's laptop is on the table in front of them. Another garbage pile is behind them.
Dib: We teamed up just in time for you to help out with my plan to get Zim to confess his alien self to the world.
Mr. Dwicky: Hey, that sounds fun! What's that?
Dib's laptop shows the schematic of an alien device.
Dib: A schematic for an alien identification transmitter. I yanked it from Zim's computer. You can send messages with encoded signatures from alien races.
Mr. Dwicky: You know, if it works, we could pretend we're aliens, and send Zim a transmission, setting him up for a trap!
Dib: Right! We could catch him on video without his disguise! I was gonna use it to call him names in alien languages, but your plan's cool too.
Cut to Zim's base. Zim and GIR (in their disguises) stand in one of the underground lab rooms. Zim holds a fishbowl and a globe. Zim shoves the globe into the bowl, squishing the fish up against the glass.
Zim: Now do you understand my latest and most brilliant plan for Earth conquest, GIR?
GIR: I gotta eat that fish!
Zim: No, GIR. The fish is part of the plan.
A monitor beeps. Zim gets a transmission from Dib and Dwicky. They appear as silhouettes, wearing chickens on their heads. Their voices are disguised.
Mr. Dwicky: Is it you, Irken Zim?
Zim: Yes... I am Zim! Who're you?
Mr. Dwicky: We are Digzum and Commodore Sloat of the planet Plookesia.
Dib clears his throat.
Dib: We have crash-landed on this horrific planet, and you have some materials we could use for repairs, ya know?
Zim: Give me one reason why I should help you!
Zim hands GIR the fish bowl.
Dib: A trade! In return for your help, we will give you some super weapons! We would be most grateful, you jerk!
Zim: Eh? I could always use more super weapons. You might now know this, but I'm, uh, sorta gonna wipe out all the life of this planet.
Mr. Dwicky: Great! We'll meet you in the woods in one hour!
Dib: Oh, and don't wear a disguise! Just so we know you're not a human!
Zim: The woods, huh? Vague, but okay. But those weapons better be super!
Dib: Oh-ho, they'll be super! They'll be so super, you'll rue the day you ever messed with planet Earth!
Dib laughs evilly for a while. GIR grabs the fish out of the bowl. He tosses it in the air and tries to catch it in his mouth, but it hits him on the head and bounces off some where.
Zim: He seemed like a happy guy.
Cut to the woods. Dib sits on a log holding a camera, and Dwicky sets up some more equipment.
Dib: This is gonna be great! Today we expose Zim for the evil base that he is!
Dib strikes a dynamic pose on the log and grunts as he tries to hold it. Time passes. Dib and Dwicky sit on the log. More time passes. It is dusk. Dib draws a picture in the ground with a twig of Zim in his base. Dwicky looks at his watch.
Mr. Dwicky: Okay, I don't think Zim's showing up, Dib. Maybe it's time you two stopped playing and told me the real reason you're so frustrated.
Dib: Playing!?! This isn't playing! This is...
Dib drops the twig. Dib springs of the log and points at Dwicky.
Dib: You don't believe me! You... I thought you were different!
Mr. Dwicky: Look, I know you think I lie, and I did, but I was only trying to help.
Dib: Isn't this just great!?! While you waste my time, Earth gets one step closer to being taken over! That's my problem right there! My problem is that the human race seems to want to be destroyed!
Mr. Dwicky: Say, why don't we talk about this at skool!
Dwicky gasps. Zim's Voot Cruiser lowers from the sky. It lands and the wind shield opens up. Dwicky makes shocked noises. Zim leaps out. GIR pops his head up, wearing the fish bowl as a helmet. Neither of them wear disguises. Dib turns around and gasps.
Dib: He's here!
Dib grabs the camera.
Mr. Dwicky: Who... what... an alien!?! A real-
Dib: A real alien, yes! Glad to see you've come around, Mr. Dwicky! Here, record!
Dib tosses the camera to Dwicky. They walk over to Zim. GIR is now out of the Voot too and looks around.
Dib: Zim! We meet at last!
Zim: I just saw you three hours ago... What are you doing here, Stink-meat!?!
Dib: You fell for our trick, Zim! There are no Plookusians coming to give you weapons! Innit that right, Mr. Dwicky?
Zim and GIR are seen from the camera's POV.
Zim: Dwicky, huh?
Mr. Dwicky: Hi!
Zim: Two against the armada? I'm not worried.
GIR: Hey! Look at this! Doodeedoodeedooo!
GIR makes armpit fart noises. Dwicky lowers the camera in horror. GIR laughs, then makes some more armpit-farts, laughs, and then does it again.
Zim: GIR! Enough!
Dib: Two will become millions once the world sees this tape, Zim! We'll swat-
Dib gasps. A large Plookesian space craft lowers down from the sky. Dwicky lifts the camera up again. A beam of light shines on the group. The hatch opens and a walkway lowers. Two Plookesians walk down.
Mooshy: I don't see any other Plookesians here.
Spoopty: Well, I could've sworn...
Dwicky looks at all of the aliens in horror.
Dib: Hey! Who are you!?!
Mooshy: Oh, hey, how's it goin'? I'm Mooshy, and this is Spoopty. Uh, we're Plookesians! Uh, we heard a Plookesian signal and we came back to check it out, ya know, 'cause that's what we do, hm!
Spoopty: Yeah, but it must've been a mix-up! Sorry for the interruption.
Dib blocks the Plookesians.
Dib: Wait! I sent the signal! I was using it to lure this alien!
Mooshy: Hey, none 'a our business!
Mr. Dwicky: You're really all aliens!?!
Zim: Heh, uh, of course not! Gimme that camera!
Spoopty: Well, to us, you're the aliens!
Dwicky, Zim, and Dib stare. The Plookesians burst out laughing.
Mooshy: That is never not funny!
Spoopty: I know! I know!
Mooshy: Spoopty, you crazay!
Zim: Enough! Where are my weapons!?!
Mooshy: What weapons?
Zim: The super weapons you promised me!
Dib: Geez, Zim! Don't you get it? They never talked to you! It was all a trick!
Zim: Where are they!?!
Mooshy: I don't know what you're talking about, but if it'll make you happy, we have some super weapons lyin' around if you want 'em. Spoopty, get the guy the super weapons.
Spoopty: You sure are nice, boss.
Mooshy: Well, I do what I can.
Spoopty walks on board the ship.
Mr. Dwicky: A real space ship! Space ship! And you fly through the stars, seeing all the universe!?!
Spoopty comes back with a huge pile of weapons.
Mooshy: Yeah, well, flyin' through the stars would be pretty stupid, man! But, yeah, we fly around. Heh. You wanna come along?
Mr. Dwicky: Wow! Do I!
Dwicky squeals with joy and runs aboard the ship with Mooshy. Spoopty drops the pile of super weapons and walks on board.
Zim: Hey! Thank you!
Dib: Dwicky! What about our team!?!
The walkway retracts. Dwicky waves, then realizes he is still holding the camera.
Mr. Dwicky: Oh.
Dwicky shrugs and smiles. The hatch closes and the ship flies off. Dib lowers his head. Zim stops his Voot Cruiser over Dib. The wind shield is down so he can fit all the super weapons, which pile high into the air.
Zim: Sad little Dib! No more ally and no more proof! How did you know to come here, anyway?
Dib: Zim, you moron! I told you, I arranged this meeting!
Zim: Uh huheaaauh! Well, see you! Come on, GIR!
GIR sits on the ground sucking on his leg. The fish bowl now lies on the ground next to him. GIR rockets into the air and lands in the Voot. Zim flies off. Dib's eye twitches. He moans.
Dib (slowed down): Nooooooo!