Zim Eats Waffles
Deep space zooms by. The title, author, and storyboarding credits fly by in 3d block letters. Planets also zoom by, including Foodcourtia, Blorch, Mars, and Conventia. The camera stops on Earth, then zooms onto the surface to Zim's street. GIR (in his dog suit) walks down the street humming, holding groceries, and sipping from a SuckMunkey in between his singing. Dib runs by a few times in front of GIR, wearing a stealth suit that makes him visible only as a mirrored blur when he moves (like in the movie Predator). Dib allows GIR to pass him, and then he runs out from behind a fire hydrant. GIR walks into the front yard. Dib follows, taking cover behind the Lawn Gnomes as he goes. GIR reaches the front door and opens it, then screams as monkey noises play. He turns around, knocking the top of the SuckMunkey cup off as he turns. GIR dumps out the liquid of his SuckMunkey cup in Dib's direction. Dib yelps as his suit shorts out, and he becomes becomes visible.
Dib: I, um...
Beeping noises come from GIR, then he grabs a cookie from his grocery bag and casually munches it, humming cheerfully. Dib backs up a bit. He pulls off a skin-tight flesh-colored mask and tosses it aside while getting out a spy camera. GIR's beeping stops.
Dib: Hey, would you mind putting this spy camera inside Zim's house so I can...spy on his evil and stuff?
Dib extends the spy camera to its full width.
GIR takes the camera and runs inside, closing the door behind him.
Dib: I should've tried this a long time ago.
A gnome turns to face Dib and fires lasers from its hands.
Dib yells as he gets up just in time to miss the next blast.
He runs out as more gnomes begin shooting lasers too. A huge laser blast comes from the front door. Dib runs into his house, screaming. Cut to Dib's bedroom. Dib enters and runs to his computer. His desktop image is of a UFO with the words 'THEY'RE HERE.' Dib types on his keyboard, opening up windows on his computer.
Dib: At last I've got a real video camera inside Zim's house! This time, I'm prepared!
Floating monitors with the Swollen Eyeball symbol emerge from the ceiling and spread around the room. Beeping is heard as several computer towers emerge from the floor.
Dib: Camera Dib 1- check! Record Drives Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Stevie- Check!
The drives whir. Dib turns around and places his hands on one of the drives.
Dib: What!?! I can't record any of this with the drives broken! Computer! Run the disk repair!
Dib types on his keyboard.
Dib: Tell me as soon as the drives are functional again!
A window showing a doctor hitting the drives with a hammer pops up.
Dib: And now, Zim, to discover your next evil plan!
A window with a blue screen and the words 'Establishing video link' appears. Dots appear after the text until the window switches to video footage from within Zim's kitchen. Zim (in disguise) sits at a table reading a news paper. Zim folds up the news paper and sucks on an Irken lik-a-maid stick. GIR (in dog suit) sits down at the table with a bowl, a carton of milk, and a box of Krazy Flakes. GIR pours the cereal into the bowl.
Zim: Hey, look. They're gonna start making artificial beavers.
GIR begins opening the milk carton. Dib gasps.
Dib: He's after our beaver technology! Is this his next evil plan?
GIR gets up and walks away with the carton and cereal.
Zim blows air past his lips.
Zim: Time to work on my next evil plan.
Dib: Talk about perfect timing!
Dib hears beeping and looks at a drive, seeing a repair bar depicting how close it is to being fixed.
Dib: But no drives yet! The Swollen Eyeball's gotta see this!
A monitor rises up and a video feed from Agent Darkbootie appears.
Agent Darkbootie: Agent Darkbootie here.
Dib: I have a video feed from the alien's house!
The video feed from Zim's house shows Zim sucking on the lik-a-maid stick while reading the paper as GIR shoves his head into the cereal bowl making growly noises as he sucks up the food.
Agent Darkbootie: Hmmm... Agent Mothman, once I tied Bigfoot's toe hairs together. It was very funny, until his insane fit of howling rage ended in tragedy for a family of campers. My point is jokes do not have a place in the Swollen Eyeball network. Call back when you're serious.
Agent Darkbootie's transmission goes into static and his monitor screen lowers away.
Zim: Yes! Time to work on my evil plan!
Zim: To cripple the humans by destroying-
GIR: GUESS WHO MADE WAFFLES?
GIR walks in with a plate of steaming waffles.
Zim: I'm not going to eat that-
GIR screams uncontrollably.
Zim: ENOUGH! I will TRY some already!
Zim takes a forkful of waffle and, after much trepidation, shoves it in his mouth. He chews for awhile and then swallows.
Zim: Well...they don't seem to be making me sick. Ya know, this actually might be a good way to build a tolerance to the human's FFFILTHY FOOD! Okay, GIR! I will try!
GIR jumps on the table and squeals. GIR runs out of the kitchen. Zim forks an entire waffle.
Zim: And as soon as I'm done with these "waffles", I will discuss my evil plan!
GIR walks in with another plate of waffles and sets it on the table, then leaves. Zim holds the waffle he put on a fork up to his mouth.
Dib: Yes! This is it!
Zim (talking with mouth full): For this plan I will create a-
Zim: Hey, these aren't bad! What's in 'em?
GIR: There's waffle in 'em!
Zim: YOU'RE LYING!
There is a small squeak, presumably from GIR.
Zim: Anyhow, GIR I need a break from the talking of my new plan. Let's have some silence for a bit, huh?
Zim picks up an entire waffle with his fork and eats it all at once. Dib stares in anticipation.
GIR: I like to make waffles...
Zim chews and chews. He taps his fork on the table. Zim stops chewing and opens his mouth for a moment.
He goes back to chewing. Zim holds his fork between both of his hands. Zim taps his fork again. Zim rubs the table cloth. Zim groans.
Dib: Come on! The plan already!
Zim holds another waffle up to his mouth.
Zim: Hey, you know who came by today?
Zim: That ugly neighbor lady.
A giant evil mutant squid demon pokes his head into the kitchen.
Zim: She was wearing this horrible-
The squid moves back offscreen.
The squid leaps on Zim. Zim yells as the squid holds Zim in its mouth and thrashes him around, knocking the waffles on the table. One waffle lands on GIR's head.
Zim: OH, MIGHTY DUNG!
GIR grabs the waffle on his head and eats it, as well as the last waffle on the table. Zim clings to the edge of the table, but the squid begins wrapping tentacles around his head.
Zim: THE GIANT FLESH-EATING DEMON SQUID HAS ESCAPED!
Zim groans as the squid pulls him away. The squid lifts Zim up and bashes him against the table as GIR vomits.
Dib: Oh, man!
The squid has Zim on the floor again.
Zim: SECURITY! PROTECT YOUR MASTER!
The Robo Parents roll up to the squid. The squid grabs them and bites their heads off, then spits the heads away. Zim lifts up, screaming.
Zim: GIR! DEFENSIVE MODE!
The squid grabs a microwave and bashes Zim with it. Lasers begin flying through the house.
GIR: Wee hehehheheee! Whoo!
A robotic arm holding two ice cream cones emerges from GIR's head and ice cream truck music starts playing softly. The squid takes the ice cream and licks it. The robo-arm detracts back into GIR's head. A robotic creature of some sort walks by the camera.
Dib: The eyeball's gotta see this!
A monitor hovers up with a transmission from Agent Nessie.
Agent Nessie: Agent Nessie here.
Dib: Check this out! It's amazing!
GIR sits on the table alone, eating waffles.
Agent Nessie: A dog...eating waffles. HA SKINKIN' HA! Darkbootie told me about you, Mothman!
The transmission ends. Dib lowers his head.
GIR: What happened?
Zim walks in looking beat up.
Zim: Eh, he escaped.
Zim sets his chair upright and sits down. The sound of a motorcycle leaving is heard.
Zim: Oh well. He wasn't part of my new plan anyhow.
Zim straightens his wig.
Zim: I'll need a test subject. Bring me Nick!
GIR runs off. He returns with a plate of waffles which he sets on the table.
GIR: These got peanuts and soap in 'em!
GIR runs off. He wheels Nick up to the table. Nick has a happiness probe in his head and is strapped to a dolly. GIR walks away.
Dib: He's got a human test subject!
Shocks run through Nick every so often.
Zim: Ah yes, ummm, Nick! Neural experiment number 231! And how is the happiness probe in your brain doing today, filthy human?
Nick: It's great! I never want to leave this magical place! I'm so happy! Gah-ha!
Zim: Excellent! Want some waffles?
Dib: Zim's making him eat waffles! That poor kid... I gotta help!
A monitor rises up. Dib presses a button on it.
Dib: Please! I need somebody from the eyeball net to believe me!
A transmission from Agent Disembodied Head appears.
Dib: Agent Disembodied Head! I need a mobile Eyeball unit to-
Agent Disembodied Head: Agent Mothman, STOP CALLIN' US!
The transmission ends and the monitor lowers away.
Dib: THEN I'LL TRY THE FBI!
Dib reaches for another monitor screen, pressing the button on the monitor off screen. The monitor shows a transmission from the FBI. Greg the FBI operator sits in a chair.
Greg: Hello, thank you for calling the FBI. My name is Greg. How may I help you?
Dib: I have an emergency! There's someone who's-
Greg: *laughs* Hey, hey. You're Dib, right? Did you ever get that ninja ghost outta your toilet?
Dib: Yes, no thanks to you! There's a kid in trouble!
Dib and Greg watch Zim and Nick eat waffles. Nick coughs. His happiness probe vibrates.
Nick: It's good!
Nick collapses on the table. Greg chuckles.
Greg: Man, that kid sure loves his waffles! Stay right there. We're sending someone over to beat you up for playing jokes on the FBI!
Dib: But look at the brain probe!
Greg: Oh, all right. We'll send someone over to investigate...when we get around to it.
Greg turns around in his chair and the transmission ends. Zim and Nick begin to look sick. Bubbles fill the room due to the soap GIR made the waffles with. Several shocks go through Nick. GIR walks in with two new plates of waffles. He sets them on the table and walks to the other side of the table.
GIR: You look like you need waffles, boo hoo hoooo!
GIR walks out.
Dib: Gotta stall him for time!
Dib presses a button on a monitor screen and it cuts to a transmission with Bloaty's Pizza Hog. The Bloaty employee looks very bored.
Bloaty Employee: Bloaty's Pizza Hog. We deliver, I guess...
Dib types on his keyboard.
Dib: I need you to deliver to this address right now!
Bloaty Employee: We guarantee we'll see what we can do.
The employee falls asleep. The transmission ends and the monitor screen lowers away. Nick groans and holds his stomach as shocks run through him.
Dib: Maybe I bought some time! The suspense is unbearable! HURRY UP, FBI!
Zim and Nick no longer have any waffles on their plates.
Zim: And now, GIR, to test my EEEEVIL plan on this child!
GIR walks in with three plates of waffles, one of the plates balanced on his head. GIR sets the two plates in his hands on the table, knocking the previous plates away.
Zim: No more waffles, GIR!
GIR: *screams madly*
Zim: No, really! I'm starting to feel sick!
GIR makes quivering noises with his lips. GIR wails and taps a waffle against Zim's head repeatedly.
Zim: ALL RIGHT!!! I'll eat just one more piece!
Zim snatches the waffle and begins eating it. He gags several times. Zim then notices something happening out of the camera's range.
Zim: Ahhh! The hideous mutant squid has escaped again and has created an army of cyborg zombie soldiers to do its evil bidding!
Zim grabs another waffle and cowers, munching on it.
Zim: No! Stay back! Stay back! Nooo!
The cyborgs march through the kitchen along with the squid, taking Zim with them as they go by. One stops and looks at Nick, then continues. Nick groans and picks up some more waffles. The squid suddenly swings Zim into Dib's camera, causing the camera to fall to the ground and the transmission to go into static briefly. It cuts back at a perspective looking up at Nick. Zim's groans are heard. Dib presses a button on a monitor screen repeatedly.
Dib: Agent Darkbootie! Answer! Agent Darkbootie! BOOTIE!
The shadows of the squid and cyborgs can be seen on the wall beating up Zim.
Nick: Augh! It's horrible! A horrible army of cyborgs rending Zim's very flesh! Oh, the carnage makes me so happy! Hehe!
The doorbell rings.
Bloaty Employee: *off-screen* Hello. Bloaty's Pizza.
Nick takes a bite of his waffle.
Nick: Heh heh, hoowhee!
Nick tosses his waffle.
Nick: Hehe, now the cyborgs are eatin' pizza! And the FBI is being cocooned to feed the squid babies that just flew in from the window! *laughs*
Nick: What's that thing Zim's got?
Zim's shadow lifts up a toilet plunger.
Zim: Don't make me use this! I'll do it!
The shadows of the squids and cyborgs leap towards Zim and a loud zap is heard. A great gust of wind blows, sending waffles and parts of the Bloaty costume flying past. Nick grabs a plate of waffles as it flies by. The gust stops and GIR pops up on the edge of the table with a plate of waffles. GIR makes the triumphant noise that Blue from Blue's Clues makes. Nick and GIR eat waffles. On Dib's floating monitor screen, a transmission from Agent Darkbootie appears.
Agent Darkbootie: What is it, Mothman?
Nick and GIR continue eating waffles.
Agent Darkbootie: *irritated* Oh. You make me sick.
The transmission ends. Dib stands up and shakes the monitor.
Dib: No! Wait! There was a mutant! And cyborgs! And-
Dib sits back down. One of Dib's drives beeps.
Dib: Yes! The record drives are fixed! *pounds his fist on the record drive and it starts working*
Dib: I can show it to the Eyeballs later! Your waffle eating days are over, Zim!
Zim gets up looking beaten.
Zim: Well, thankfully, I was able to reprogram those cyborgs at the last minute and send them off to do horrible things to the humans! But my evil plan! Hey! I forgot what my evil plan was! Oh well. GIR, your waffles have sickened me! Fetch me the bucket!
GIR squeals with joy. Dib screams.
Dib: The plan! WHAT WAS THE PLAN!?!
Dib shakes his computer monitor. The sound of Zim vomiting is heard. Dib cringes and moves away from his screen.
Dib: Oh well...at least I have something recorded on disk! It wasn't a total loss.
Dib types on his keyboard. Cyborgs burst through his windows and stomp around, crushing Dib's computer, record drives, and his Swollen Eyeball monitors. They walk out of Dib's room.
Dib: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *crawls into bed* Whatever...